Monday, September 28, 2015

Counselor's Note on Family Separation

After years of working with Salvadorians in the US, this trip offered me an opportunity to experience the country and culture firsthand. Having lived in Nicaragua and traveled throughout the rest of Central America I knew a good deal of the collective and individual histories of each country, however on this trip I wanted to focus specifically on exploring trauma and family separation. These recurring and pressing issues our students deal with push me to seek deeper understanding so I can provide the best support possible.

To begin to comprehend the effects of migration, it is important to understand the root reasons why people make the difficult decision to leave their families, communities, and country. In El Salvador they are based in either economic need (lack of opportunities etc) and/or security reasons (ie threats from the gangs). This could be direct threat of harm or the threat of losing your livelihood through extortion in the form of a "tax" or "contribution" that everyone knows is not optional.

While education was at the forefront of our delegation, I was able to address my concerns about the effects of the trauma of war and poverty and resulting migration as they intersect in many ways. Through our conversations with a variety of people and communities, we were able to have multilayered exchanges that seemed as much of interest to the Salvadorians as it was to us.

As we answered each other's questions about how members of the community experience the separation it became clear that it isn't merely the individual family that is effected, but the entire community, especially in the areas we visited which were tight knit communities that emerged out of the refugee camps.

I found there are many differing ideas between those who left for the US and those who stayed in El Salvador. Many who stayed understand why parents leave, but don't think the parents themselves comprehend the responsibility that falls on the community to step in and support the children. Those working directly with youth (mainly the teachers in Amando Lopez and the pastoral group in Morazan) describe children of parents who have left as having a hard time emotionally and often don't get the support they need to stay in school and make other good choices for their development. Some described the detriment of children who receive money and material gifts from parents abroad as lacking drive and motivation to work hard since they are having everything “handed” to them without comprehension of how it was earned. The truth is they are not seeing, and often sheltered from, the hard work and sacrifices that went into making that money. 

On the other hand, many parents I work with in the US carry extreme guilt about not being present in their children's daily lives and feel the only thing they can offer is material support. The desire to protect their families from the harsh reality of life in the US causes parents to misrepresent their experiences and shelter their families back home from the struggles of obtaining the money they send. Although many blame this lack of transparency on the expectations they feel placed on them by family members back home, it is a cycle perpetuated by the lack of honest communication on both ends. Many community members here say they wish their family in the US would describe the reality of their lives to help the children understand the sacrifice of the real cost of the remittances sent. 

Overall I heard from many people their great concern about the future generation of leaders. What is to become of the communities striving so diligently to survive if members continue to leave and the youth are unprepared to carry on the work of the current leaders?

While my understanding of the issues surrounding family separation has grown immensely, it won't change my empowerment model of counseling. Rather what it gives me is more ideas and complexities to explore with the parents struggling with these issues. It is clear that there are no simple solutions for the growing number of families whose lives are stretched across the border and the communities who struggle to adapt to their changing populations.